Life comes fast.
Often when things are moving along smoothly, something can come and knock us to the ground.
Becoming well versed in grief in my early twenties set the tone for having a unique perspective on how I have looked at things ever since.
I’ve always processed and handled the heavy things in life through music. There’s a lyric in a new song by Arcade Fire, “Unconditional 1 (Lookout Kid)”, that has stood out to me, as I think about it often.
“A lifetime of skinned knees
And heartbreak comes so easy
But a life without pain would be boring.”
I used to look with envy at those living a life without earth shattering pain. We’re programmed that pain is an awful thing, but in recent years, my perspective has changed. I’ve become aware that pain has allowed me to become empathetic, understanding, and grateful, while there’s little that I take for granted.
Older and wiser, I think about each difficult, life-changing experience and how each previous experience has helped me get through the new challenge at hand.
I don’t believe I would have survived my recent near-death Covid experience without my previous resilience to pull inspiration and strength from.
In the years since I started writing about the lessons I learned from my adversity, I’ve been able to connect with and help people. This, in turn, has helped me. I used to feel nobody wanted to hear about what I had been through. To continually see examples of this not being the case has been life changing.
For me, the ultimate power has been in the strength of connection.
A newfound connection with others, as well as with myself.
I feel peace at last, as I no longer have anything to prove, nor feel the need to impress anyone.
I face each day giving thanks to God for allowing me to be alive, here with my family and those closest to me. I’m blessed that my days are filled with positivity and patience as I work on healing.
I’m extending my leave from work until later in the year, as I deal with respiratory and cognitive issues from long-haul covid. At this point, nobody really knows the long-term ramifications of this disease. My lungs continue to heal, but I still have issues with breathing and my chest often feels heavy. The chronic fatigue and brain fog is still intense. I take a nap most afternoons and I have real issues with both multi-tasking and my short-term memory. I will be seeing a neurologist soon to address these issues.
But I honestly don’t worry about anything. Through exercise, diet, yoga, and gratitude, I put out my best possible effort towards healing every day. Gratefully, the peace I have found and the perspective of all that I have previously gone through allows me to accept whatever comes next.
One thing for certain is that life will continue not to be boring.