Long Haul of It All

This past week I went back to my primary care doctor and was surprised to be greeted with so much excitement towards my continued recovery. The nurse told me she thinks of me often because she knew so many that died and I am an example of the outcome that can happen with a positive fight. This made my day as it reminded me of the good that has come from the last four months.

While hospitalized for 53 days, I needed others to help keep me focused with positivity and patience. I turned my situation into an open view of what I was going through with continual posts on social media. Real, raw, positive and many times crazy is how I probably appeared to the many that was watching my daily ups and downs. I needed this, as I don’t know how I would have survived without this modern communication ability.

I turned the solitude and seriousness of my dire struggle for breath and life into a moment in time where I could lean on my wide network of people for strength. The constant communication kept me focused on what a beautiful life I had to fight for.

I’ve been through a lot in life. So much that prior to this recent hospitalization for Covid-19 Pneumonia, I was finishing up my 30 chapter book on my struggles with adversity and my ultimate success with resilience and emotional recovery.

In this recent fight for life, I immediately relied on strength from the battles that I had already won. I wanted to talk and write about the details of those fights as these previous experiences were giving me the confidence I needed in this all out fight to survive.

Today I am just over 19 weeks into a new life where every breath takes work. An effort that reminds me of how fortunate I am to still have an ability to move to the next breath.

In each of my previous life changing chapters, so many important people played a role in getting me through the most difficult days. This recent experience was no different. But it occurs to me that to truly make it through any of my previous adversity, I have always needed to pull inward and make the adjustments within myself in order to move forward.

These recent weeks I am beginning to understand the magnitude of having a ways to go in my healing.

I still struggle in search of an easy breath.

I cough often.

My heart flutters as my breath gets short with what is called hyperventilation.

The brain fog, inability to multi task and my battle to remember things is all new for me.

The fatigue is intense as I struggle to stay awake past 9 PM, often taking a nap in the afternoon.

I lose my voice multiple times a day.

My heart doesn’t feel right, so I will be seeing a cardiologist on Monday.

I am what they term as a long hauler. My doctor explains that nobody knows how long it will last, as this is such a new disease.

I see now as when my real work needs to begin. I must stay positive and active while being in constant synch with the cues my body is sending me.

Now it’s up to me. The way I approach this will have the ultimate effect on my new reality.

I will draw strength from every battle I have won in my life thus far.

I will stay positive.

I will continue to not allow any negativity near me.

I will cherish every moment spent with those I love.

I will eat right and exercise every day.

I will continue to do the things I enjoy most.

I will be patient with my progress.

I will appreciate the things I used to take for granted.

I will continue to be so thankful for being alive.